THE VERY JOE CATERPILLAR
A response to the following prompt presented to the poet by Tom Jenks: Please rewrite The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle in the style of tweets by [then] former US President Donald Trump.
A very great light of the very great moon, and just a little egg, folks, lay on just a little leaf.
Come Sunday morning – are you feeling the warm sun, it was a warm sun that came up, wasn’t it, and – boom – out of just a little tiny and very dangerous hungry caterpillar, they’re very dangerous.
He’s starting to look for some food, you know, some American food, we all know it. On Monday, he’ll eat through one apple. But he’ll still be hungry, folks. He’ll start to look for some food, it’s only natural, they’re murderers!
Come Tuesday, he’s eaten through two pears, but he’s still hungry.
Hordes of him from South America, waiting at the Mexican border, bringing languages into our country, languages that no one’s ever heard of, he’s waiting to get in and he’s still hungry, folks.
Wednesday, Crazy Joe Caterpillar eats through three plums, and even though he’s too weak to really eat them, even he’s still hungry, three plums-hungry Crazy Joe Caterpillar, worst eater ever.
We’re still waiting, folks, don’t listen to those losers who say he’s had his fill, fake news, people, crazy hungry dangerous Joe Caterpillar’s still hungry, of course he is.
On Thursday, I will show the lamestream media just how corrupt the swamp they call Washington DC really is, because you would be amazed by just how many, how many this caterpillar has eaten: four strawberries, people, four strawberries.
And he’s still looking for food.
On Friday, he, and probably his son – and probably China’s got something to do with it, how should I know – he’s eating through five oranges, and even that’s not enough for him.
We love our country. On Saturday, you will vote to drain the swamp and make America great again, and so it won’t be the caterpillar, it’ll be you who gets to eat on Capitol Hill, you’ll be the winners, folks, you’ll get that one piece of chocolate cake, one ice-cream cone, one pickle, one slice of Swiss cheese, one slice of salami, one lollipop, one piece of cherry pie, one sausage, one cupcake, and one slice of watermelon.
But that night, you’ll have a stomach ache and we’re going to shut it down, because we’re going to win, we’re going to be successful. We’re going to do the right thing.
The next day is Sunday. And you know what, the caterpillar’s going to eat through your nice green leaf, yes, he is. We cannot give him another four years. We cannot. This country is going down the drain. I’m telling you, come Sunday, you’re going to feel much better.
Obama’s not hungry any more – he’s no little caterpillar any more either, folks. Obama’s a big fat caterpillar now, and he’s living on your taxpayer dollars, worst caterpillar ever, Obama, everybody knows it.
But Crazy Joe Caterpillar, you know he built a house in Wilmington, don’t you, called ‘The Cocoon’. He hates our country, you know. He stays inside. He stays inside for weeks, and then he nibble-nibble-nibbles his way out of ‘The Cocoon’ and pushes his way out. We’ve got to build a wall, if we’re going to save America. I will build that wall. He’s pushing his way out, folks. And what is he? A beautiful butterfly? Your big beautiful butterfly
Come Sunday morning – are you feeling the warm sun, it was a warm sun that came up, wasn’t it, and – boom – out of just a little tiny and very dangerous hungry caterpillar, they’re very dangerous.
He’s starting to look for some food, you know, some American food, we all know it. On Monday, he’ll eat through one apple. But he’ll still be hungry, folks. He’ll start to look for some food, it’s only natural, they’re murderers!
Come Tuesday, he’s eaten through two pears, but he’s still hungry.
Hordes of him from South America, waiting at the Mexican border, bringing languages into our country, languages that no one’s ever heard of, he’s waiting to get in and he’s still hungry, folks.
Wednesday, Crazy Joe Caterpillar eats through three plums, and even though he’s too weak to really eat them, even he’s still hungry, three plums-hungry Crazy Joe Caterpillar, worst eater ever.
We’re still waiting, folks, don’t listen to those losers who say he’s had his fill, fake news, people, crazy hungry dangerous Joe Caterpillar’s still hungry, of course he is.
On Thursday, I will show the lamestream media just how corrupt the swamp they call Washington DC really is, because you would be amazed by just how many, how many this caterpillar has eaten: four strawberries, people, four strawberries.
And he’s still looking for food.
On Friday, he, and probably his son – and probably China’s got something to do with it, how should I know – he’s eating through five oranges, and even that’s not enough for him.
We love our country. On Saturday, you will vote to drain the swamp and make America great again, and so it won’t be the caterpillar, it’ll be you who gets to eat on Capitol Hill, you’ll be the winners, folks, you’ll get that one piece of chocolate cake, one ice-cream cone, one pickle, one slice of Swiss cheese, one slice of salami, one lollipop, one piece of cherry pie, one sausage, one cupcake, and one slice of watermelon.
But that night, you’ll have a stomach ache and we’re going to shut it down, because we’re going to win, we’re going to be successful. We’re going to do the right thing.
The next day is Sunday. And you know what, the caterpillar’s going to eat through your nice green leaf, yes, he is. We cannot give him another four years. We cannot. This country is going down the drain. I’m telling you, come Sunday, you’re going to feel much better.
Obama’s not hungry any more – he’s no little caterpillar any more either, folks. Obama’s a big fat caterpillar now, and he’s living on your taxpayer dollars, worst caterpillar ever, Obama, everybody knows it.
But Crazy Joe Caterpillar, you know he built a house in Wilmington, don’t you, called ‘The Cocoon’. He hates our country, you know. He stays inside. He stays inside for weeks, and then he nibble-nibble-nibbles his way out of ‘The Cocoon’ and pushes his way out. We’ve got to build a wall, if we’re going to save America. I will build that wall. He’s pushing his way out, folks. And what is he? A beautiful butterfly? Your big beautiful butterfly
Corey Wakeling is an Australian writer, scholar, and translator of modern and contemporary Japanese literature. He lives in Tokyo, where he teaches English literature as an associate professor at Aoyama Gakuin University. Author of four books of poetry, his most recent collection is Uncle of Cats (Cordite Books, 2025).